Think about your last 4 conversations; the ones that lasted more than 15 minutes and involved something other than functional decision making on who’s picking up the kids or taking the dog to the vet.

What did you talk about? Were you a truth teller or a facade painter?

What is a facade painter?

  • I’m fine… How are you?
  • Can you believe this weather?
  • You won’t believe what a jacka** so and so is….

Truth Teller:

  • I’m really nervous about this big opportunity I have… I’m worried I won’t be able to find the right words.
  • What are you most excited about in your life right now?
  • I’m really hurting after a fight with my partner in which (s)he told me I’m selfish…..

Tonight, I met a friend who is a Truth Teller with a capital T. Through her own courageous vulnerability, she teaches by example the ritual of authentic connection. No space for meaningless small talk – it’s as if she lacks the skill of it altogether. Thank God.

Most interactions paint facades. They take the truth and encase it in an artfully constructed story of distractions and protection. They say to the world: Please do not see me as I truly am. I am not worthy.

Truth tellers create growth and intimacy. They acknowledge that it is OK to not be OK all the time.

They ask the question beyond “what did you do” to “how does that make you feel?” Instead of chit chatting about the merits of amazon prime, they dig deep into what motivates, scares, inspires, and delights. There is no time for another weather report when we have our internal barometers to explore.

Truth Tellers are Connectors. They SEE others deeply. They allow themselves to be SEEN fully. These brave warriors are the synapses of authenticity; stringing us together intimately, meaningfully, and compassionately. They celebrate vulnerability as the highest form of courage.

They know our time together is precious.

When we practice the Ritual Of Truth Telling we are breaking down barriers, giving voice to our darkness and our light, and connecting hearts – not just minds.

Mind compete – hearts entwine.
Minds jockey – hearts invite.
Minds rationalize – hearts create space for reality.

Truth Telling is a practice of radical self-care. It is a choice to step into a heart-centered life versus a thinking-dominant life. We cannot THINK our way to a richly lived, wholehearted way of being.

Facade painting is just a coping mechanism that has calcified to habit. It is not our natural state. In fact, it makes our highest Self shrink just a little bit when we do it. How do you drop the facade?

Like we drop any habit – we groove a new one.

Here are some conversation starters of truth tellers that you can use in your next 4 conversations:

  • Tell me what most inspired you today?
  • How did you feel when you were most challenged today?
  • What growth do you want to experience in the next few months?
  • What breakthrough are you just ITCHING to have?
  • What makes your heart rest easy?
  • What is it that you hope to bring to this planet during your lifetime?
  • What do you most value?
  • What do you want more of in your life?
  • What do you want less of in your life?
  • What would make you dance and sing like crazy; regardless of where you are?
  • Where do you feel stuck in your life?
  • What is opening up for you?
  • What would you most like to learn / experience?

With 5 minutes and a willing mind, you could expand this list three fold.

Will you help me break our society’s habit of facade painting by becoming a radical truth teller?

It Matters.

PS: We each have an impact to make, and this life, lived in minutes, is our canvas.

If you want to go deeper with me, sign up on for a free e-book called Purpose Path and to receive a weekly e-letter, Aligned. It’s our leadership lab.

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